Marie Hatoinette

If in doubt..go for a wig with a ship attached.

I've got a wedding coming up..actually, I've got about five. Without meaning to sound like a miserable old witch, I think weddings can be a real pain.  Yes I want to see two people I care about swearing eternal love and fidelity to each other and I have no objection to drinking copious amounts of champagne at someone else's expense but what in the Fashion God's name am I meant to wear to all of them? Boys have it easy. I mean The Boy literally has two options, morning suit or normal suit. He may have to stretch his imagination to the colour of his pocket square, tie and shirt but this is nothing compared to what women have to go through.

Isabella Blow..fearless.

Don't upstage the bride! Can I wear white/ cream or is that bad form? Is a boyfriend's ex going to be there? Is an ex of yours going to be there? What if it rains? What if it's boiling (hello sweat patches)? What if it's freezing inside the church but like a Swedish sauna on the dance floor? Clutch bag or small handheld? Can you manage holding a bag, hat and glass of Pimms and smile for the bloody photographer all at the same time? Hat or fascinator? Are the same people going to be at this wedding as have been at the other ones thus cancelling out repeating outfit choices? High heels, kittens or flats? It goes on and on..

I'll tell you now..I'm going down the frivolous hat route and keeping everything else simple.  The reason for this is threefold. Firstly I've spent so much on the hat, other outfits are no longer a realistic option.  Secondly, the hat is a statement piece therefore everything else can be minimal which suits my style. Lastly, because the hat is so WOW, I don't give a fig that I'm going to re-use it.  I've spent the money and I'm going to wear the darn thing!

Wearing hats is what our royals do. It’s what differentiates them from US presidents and Hollywood. When they approach their hat duties in the spirit of one who has fifty quid riding on their headgear outdoing Victoria Beckham’s or Lady Gaga’s, it’s what’s known as a Marie Hattoinette moment. It is playing with fire and can result in things like this...

Luckily, Bea, or someone advising her (clearly having a nap on the 29th), had the savvy idea of auctioning the pretzel on eBay for charity. It raised a heck of a lot of money and we all got a bit distracted from the fact that she wore the monstrosity in the first place. Future royals who are tempted to approach the hat-wearing gig as if it were a sophisticated fashion in-joke should take note however.

Hats are problematic. And I love hats. When I was little I wanted to own a hat shop. I love trying hats on. However in reality I simply don't wear them. A simple beret in Autumn/ Winter and a giant straw brim on the beach is me. But there are times when you may need something more frivolous.

Self-consciousness is the greatest enemy of successful hat-wearing.  What to do?  The more you practise, the less silly you’ll feel and if in doubt, go for something simple with a large brim that partially covers your face You’ll have to be the judge of how far you take this. If you’re an addictive personality you may find yourself experimenting so fearlessly that you end up wearing a croissant or some man-boobs on your head and thinking it looks perfectly normal.

In the grand scheme, would that matter? Anna Dello Russo of Vogue Nippon fame, who has championed the melon-wedge and pineapple slice-shaped fascinator for seasons, carries off her fruit with such aplomb it never occurs to anyone to laugh until she’s receded so far into the distance, there doesn’t seem any point. It comes down to a matter of conviction: wear it and work it...or shirk it altogether

Yes ladies it's a quandary but here are some practical guidelines:

1. If the hat is bigger than you are or resembles any kind of foodstuff, it’s probably a no.

2. On the other hand, you can hardly ever go wrong with flowers. My stunning concoction is called the Rose Cloud and was around the £100 mark. Don't be snobby about the high street, Debenhams has a great hat collection as does ASOS.  Bundle MacLaren, who furnished a number of royal wedding guests with their Abbey moments, designs headpieces from £45 that belie their modest price.

3. Don’t be surly: if the invitation requests a hat, then I’m sorry, a hairband, sunglasses or bandanna simply will not do and not complying will make you seem graceless rather than cool.  Also wispy fascinators just don't cut it.

4. Small is fashionable. And in this instance fashionable is also practical and flattering...plus less damage if you take it off and shove it under the table when you run off to join the bridal party conga.

5. Keep the rest of your outfit unimpeachably simple and chic and you’ll be able to wear an outrageous hat – and I think we all know you secretly want to.  I certainly do.

I actually really like the one at the bottom...

Red Alert

I am currently listening to the entire Desert Island Discs archive, I love it. I try and listen to at least one episode a day and on Sunday, I listened to the wonderful Kristin Scott-Thomas.  An actress who shot to fame playing cold, repressed English women (Fiona in Four Weddings, Katherine in The English Patient..one of my favourite films of all time) she came across as incredibly warm and self deprecating with some great music  choices.  What surprised me was her luxury. Foe my readers who don't know the format, you choose eight 'discs' (pieces of music), you are given the Bible (or religious text of your choice) and the complete works of Shakespeare, you choose one book and one luxury. Kristin's luxury was a pair of Christian Louboutin mules.  

SJP's feet in the Pigalle pump by Louboutin

Recently Mr Louboutin is a bit hot under the collar.  He has sued Yves Saint Laurent for trademark infringement last month in a legal tussle over a pair of shoes and it was clear the accused, one of the grandest labels in France, would not take the slur lying down.  Now YSL is fighting back in a dispute which started with a collection of pumps. The best-selling styles, including the Tribute, the Palais and the Woodstock, came with coloured soles which perfectly matched their leather uppers. It was the red shoes Louboutin and his legal advisers took exception to. Now, as I am not lucky enough to own a pair of either, it made me wonder...if the Gods of Fashion were reading this and I could request just one pair...what or by which designer would it be?

Is this what one of the Gods of Fashion might look like?

 Louboutin's designs have been spotted on the feet of celebrities for many years. The designer is among the most prolific on the international catwalks and, in his case, the prized instant recognition which is fashion's life blood comes with his poppy-red lacquered soles.  Louboutin claims to have introduced his trademark in the early Nineties while studying a prototype. "There was this big, black sole," he told The New Yorker recently, "and then, thank God, there was this girl painting her nails." He swiftly used the enamel in question to cover the shoe and one of fashion's status symbols was born. 

Alexa in the YSL Palais

Or so he thought. YSL argues that Louboutin has no monopoly on the colour – on the soles of his shoes or indeed elsewhere – and that its shoes have sported red soles since the Seventies. "Red outsoles are a commonly used ornamental design feature in footwear, dating as far back as the red shoes worn by King Louis XIV in the 1600s and the ruby-red shoes that carried Dorothy home in The Wizard of Oz," said court papers filed by Yves Saint Laurent and released this week.

"As an industry leader who has devoted his entire professional life to women's footwear, Mr Louboutin either knew or should have known about some or all of the dozens of footwear models that rendered his sworn statement false."

Elvis blue suede shoe envy? Buy these from YSL

 Louboutin, 47, is seeking damages of $1m (£620,000) from YSL which, he argues, has copied his signature sole on "virtually identical" shoes. According to court documents, Louboutin, which sells more than 500,000 pairs of shoes in more than 40 countries, was awarded a registered trademark for its red sole by the US Patent and Trademark Office in 2008.

"The shiny red colour has no function other than to identify to the public that they are mine," the designer told a court in his application. With this in mind, Louboutin has, in the past, obtained injunctions against several companies attempting to replicate it, including, last February, Kimera International, which was found to have "engaged in acts of trademark counterfeiting and trademark dilution." Taking on a name with the clout of Yves Saint Laurent, today owned by PPR (Pinault-Printemps-Redoute), among the largest luxury goods conglomerates in the world, is another matter. 

The YSL Tribute Platform T-strap sandal...a favourite of Olivia Palermo

 Charles Colman, a New York-based intellectual property rights lawyer told trade paper Women's Wear Daily that any litigation was likely to prove a long, drawn-out affair. "When you're dealing with two large parties, both of which have large and skilled law firms working for them, you don't have that leverage differential that you may have in other situations," he said, going on to point out that it was also less likely that inflated legal fees would run either party into the ground.

So..the fight will go on. Do you have any thoughts about this and if you had to pick a side, who would it be?

Looky Likey

So I know that many fashion bloggers have been expostulating over the lust-inducing item(s) that are a pair of Isabel Marant boots.  They're suede, they're ever so slightly slouchy, they give you that certain je ne sais quoi. They're also super double duper expensive..oh and they're suede which means a little bit vulnerable in British weather even with oodles of protectant and a rubber sole.  There is the Bidou boot...

And my personal favourite, the Forbes boot, which has a slightly Western vibe to it..

So I fell for them and pondered over the purchase. I am all for investment purchases, let me state that right now. My Chanel and Mulberry handbags are prize possessions, my beautiful navy Hobbs coat and my tweed jacket, my beaded Chloe dress that I only wear once in a blue moon because I love it so much I'm actually scared to take it to the dry cleaners, my French Sole pumps. I have no qualms on spending items that will last (physically), are dateless and classic.  These boots tick every category except one, they will not physically go the distance. They will scuff, they will wear out, the soles/ heels will need replacing, they will watermark. I couldn't pay nearly £400 for that.  Ms Bosworth on the other hand, totally can and for once, we see a celebrity who has a pair of favourite boots that she wears all the time despite the gazillions of others in her wardrobe..

This, in fact was at The Kings Speech premiere a couple of weeks ago, I really love that skirt too!

..So I thought, what the heck! I'll go for it, I love them! They look great with everything..apart from maybe that weird pink croquet dress in the second picture across at the top (re-think that look Kate) but I still ain't forking out that amount of dough for them. Fashion Gods, help me out.

..And they did. They may not be an exact replica but my goodness do they look super on and all for the bargain price of £70.  Topshop. You did it again.  Now I just need to find that grey skirt....Happy Friday all X

Dear Fashion Gods...

Dear Fashion Gods,

I am shortly to depart on my Summer holiday and would very much like to get my Autumn/ Winter wardrobe shaping up on my return.  I hope you can appreciate that it's tough saving up for a holiday and for a new wardrobe so I've made the task a bit easier by only allowing myself to request a few key pieces.  I hope that's alright? The only things I will buy are simple long sleeved tees in black/navy/ grey/ white with a variety of necklines for layering. Promise.

I've put a bit of groundwork in and recently purchased some gorgeous high-waisted leather shorts from Topshop that will see me through the Winter months and (to prove their versatility) I wore them with bare legs, brogues and a simple tee on Saturday night and they got admiring glances all around.  I've also made my annual pilgrimage to the John Lewis school uniform section and purchased various colours of wool/ cotton mix tights.

I promise faithfully to re-use my winter coat from last year as it is a timeless, black cocoon number which falls in perfectly with both the ladylike and minimalist trend that approaches. "But there are essentially three coats amongst your requests missy!!", I hear you say.  I can't deny it, but by cunning recessonista thinking, this I justify by saying that you can throw on a coat over pretty much anything and look good to go as oppose to spending lots on skirts, dresses etc.  See my point?

I also solemnly swear to take extra special care of my Vivienne Westwood pirate boots as they add 'POW' to any outfit and must therefore be re-soled and religiously sprayed with waterproof stuff.  I also promise to be more grown-up in general clothes maintenance which will involve getting on first name terms with my dry cleaner, not being so lazy about hand washing (I KNOW a delicates wash in the machine is simply not the same thing) and to invest in a suede brush.

I will not get lured in by sales (see earlier post) and I will SAVE for investment pieces instead of having an accidental high street splurge after a bad day at work. I promise to seal my cashmere in plastic bags to prevent moths attacks and I here fore swear on my Chanel 2.55 that I will be kinder to all my shoes and not wear the same pair, day in, day out, through hail and rain, no matter how much I love them.

Thank you for understanding oh wise sartorial deities, here is my wish list. (Please ask Santa for my postal address).

Love Me xx

P.S.  If I'm only allowed one piece then please can it be the Philip Lim cape or Isabel Marant coat? I'll let you make the call.

Isabel Marant sneakers as seen here at  Garance Dore
a piece by Jade Mellor from her Panthera Leo collection, preferebaly this rather handsome bag clasp.

a Burberry aviator jacket

Yves Saint Laurent leopard-print, cashmere blend scarf 

a pair of Christian Louboutin velvet lace-up flats

Acne Bay print silk blend tee

Boucheron hedgehog ring

Lanvin leather gloves

Miu Miu leopard print dress 

3.1 Philip Lim Merino Wool Cape

Topshop Jamie jeans in worn black

Isabel Marant Bator coat

Long sleeved silk shirt dress from Proenza Schouler

Kurt Geiger Erica shoe